Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
