I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
