fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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