well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
