I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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