I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
