I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
