I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
