your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
