You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
