Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
