if i can run in heels then i can drive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
