Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
