Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
