It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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