I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
