i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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