I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
