Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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