I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
