My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
