i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
