Don't make out with my wife yet
I just threw up on my dentist
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
