He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
