i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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