First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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