so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
