HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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