the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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