we're blogging at a bar
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
