im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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