i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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