i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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