i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
