take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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