I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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