Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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