There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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