I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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