absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize