I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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