I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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