fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
