Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
