he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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