This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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