Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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