the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Small penises have feelings too.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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