So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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