How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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