I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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