you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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