woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize