New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
