you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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