never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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