Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
