Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
