I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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