# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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